Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Useless knowledge, but i HAD TO blog about it! Update: more useless knowledge

I think if the cities across the country wanted to ban saggin' pants they should use this information as a public service announcement, then maybe their plight will be passed into law. (Hey, it's more revenue lol)

I was informed yesterday, from a student studying criminal justice at a prominent college, that the saggin' pants phenomenon actually has some weight to it, no pun intended.

Back in the day, in the jail system, inmates were given size appropriate clothing. As the years passed and the inmate counts grew to cut costs the prison system went to a one size fits all clothing system. For those skinnier inmates that meant that the pants would sag down below their unsightly doopas for all of the world to see. Since you could not give the inmates ropes or belts to keep their pants up, they had to just suffer.

Well, we all know what that means right?? NEW FASHION STATEMENT FOR THE GHETTOLISCIOUS!

Yes, you heard me... The fad (that never seems to fade) of wearing your pants below your butt is a symbol of "coolness" because if you wore your pants like that it meant you did hard time and well.. we all know how glorified inmates are for some sick reason. We have tear drops, and droopy pants now plauging society, i don't know which one is worse lol.

More than likely today's youth that wear their pants in this manner don't even truly know where or why they do, they just think it's "cool" because everyone else is wearing their clothes that way. That includes suburban wanna-be's.. why would you wanna-be a mock inmate is beyond me, but i guess they have their reasoning.. Maybe they feel that they don't "fit in" with people in their neighborhoods... OR that they are being brats and defiant.

What's worse is that the uneducated parents that purchase these extra-larger-than-life clothes for their little angels to wear don't even know where the fad came from. It's bad enough that if you wear a certain color clothing, no matter HOW you wear it, you are a target for some gang.. So why on earth would you want to portray yourself as someone that did hard time if you have no means of violence in your blood or a way to protect yourself?? Better still, why would you put your kid in that category?

Stupidity i tell ya.

So listen up people that have the power to pass laws! Put out that public service announcement and make it illegal for non-inmates to wear their clothes that way.. Besides the fact that I'm tired of looking at skid marks and cracks.. and before you argue the half naked women issue, we all agree that some people should cover up and IMHO those people should be sited for public indecency as well. I don't play favorites.

Last night i found out about another prison related fashion statement that i totally didn't even know existed.

The towel in the pocket.

Yep, for those of you that took notice of a saggy pants wearer, you might have noticed a towel hanging somewhere on said fashion victim. The towel represents, yet again, something from the prison system. Inmates that went to the prison yards were given hand towels to wipe their faces of the dirt from the yard.. well OK then. Don't you feel that much more educated now? lol

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

When Panic Attacks

What is it that causes this crazy event to literally paralyze people?

I suffered from MASSIVE panic attacks starting from just before I separated from my EH back in 2003 to about when i quit smoking/went off my meds back 9 months ago.. Or so i thought.

Yesterday, Kyle, myself and his family went to NYC for the annual day in the city romp. I did great on the ferry (which i usually have an issue with because of the motion when they dock), but that's about where it ended. Outside of Pier 79 they run free buses to various points in the city. The first bus we got on was packed. Kyle and i found an open seat in the back and the rest of the people stood in the isles. Thankfully we were informed we were on the wrong bus because an anxiety attack started and i literally pushed myself off of the bus. Once out i was fine.

The second bus (the correct bus) was empty minus a few people. Kyle and i sat in the 2nd row. We waited for about 15 minutes or so until the next ferry emptied out and well.. the rest of the people got on our bus too.. Standing room only. It was getting hot in the bus, someone kept whistling the same damn thing over and over, the lady behind me was yapping away on her cell phone and that was it for me! I begged Kyle if we can get off of the bus and just meet everyone at our destination and he was defiant and told me no. So I pushed myself out of my seat, through the people in the isle and begged the driver if i could stand on the staircase by the door. He obviously obliged me because had he not you would have heard about it on the news lol. I was fine after that.

Until the ride home.. and i REALLY feel bad for Kyle and his family that they had to put up with me for this one.. and this is why i beg Kyle to take a separate car when we do things like this, but he never does so i and everyone else suffers.. 5 of us were crammed into a Caddy CTS. Beautiful car, but certainly not made to cart 5 people in winter coats with one anxiety ridden person (me). Kyle was singing a song on the radio (he was drunk lol so it was just at a tone that set my next attack off), it was getting warmer in the car, and we were at a road block not going anywhere. Yeah.. that was it for me.. i yelled at Kyle to STFU, and asked his father to turn the heat off and his brother was kind enough to roll the window down until we got moving again. Once we got on the highway i was fine, but standing idle made me freak out.

Why does this happen? I just don't understand it. Back when i was smoking i would have an attack after i smoked a cigarette. It was clearly evident that the nicotine would start those attacks so i quit.. The attacks, for the most part, decreased to almost nill. Until about 3 weeks after i quit i was driving to work from Kyle's house and i had an attack on the highway while driving.. I had to pull into the conveniently placed rest area for about 15 minutes to calm down.

Once i arrived at work and logged into the PC while i ate my breakfast before my start time, i ran across an article on one of the major e-mail hosting sites about Ambien CR and panic attacks.. I read the article and decided to give it a go on quitting that too. Why not, i was already off of the Xanax (yeah don't bother ever taking that stuff.. that's a major narcotic and should be taken off the market)

Quitting Ambien CR is a feat not to be taken lightly. The first night without it and you just don't sleep at all. The next day you are about wiped, but don't sleep because then you'll never be tired enough to sleep later on. The 2nd night all your dreams are VIVID, for anyone that has had a VIVID dream before you know how much they suck. By the 4th night you are about good to go, but for me it wasn't until almost a week after i quit the Ambien that i slept 5 hours straight, and the rest is history.

I haven't had an attack since i quit the Ambien, so it was much to my chagrin that i had a minimum of 3 yesterday and a few anxiety attacks that i managed to hide from everyone else.
Why? Why are these attacks happening and what is causing them? It's obvious from the locations of these attacks that it's crowded cramped places, but why? i was sitting there minding my own watching the people on the sidewalks while the bus was slowly making it's way to our destination when these attacks happened. Because of the progress i had made in not having ANY attacks since i quit the Ambien CR i thought all of that was behind me, but apparently it's not.

Today, I'm not feeling very well. I'm shaky and i feel as though i can have an attack at any time. My heart rate is definitely more elevated than normal, and it's heavier. Yesterday's romp in the city really didn't do me much good even though i did enjoy myself in between episodes.

So i think next year i will sit out our yearly romp in the city and just let his family enjoy it without my panicked drama. It's very embarrassing.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Where's Dave?

Kyle and i decided to go to dinner last night to this restaurant called Houston's. They have insanely awesome spinach dip and their steaks are pretty good too.
Their service lately?? SUCKS! Their bathrooms?? OMG! filthy and NO TP!! WTF! I guess they don't cherish their plumbing as i used PAPER TOWELS! they were nice and soft too! and thick and perfect to clog plumbing, and i really didn't care! Anyway..

First, there's usually a wait, this day it was 25 minutes (BS) so we opted to wait at the bar and start with some cocktails. The first REALLY TALL gentleman behind the bar (which later turned out to be the manager) took Kyle's order and walked away. hmmrpff.. never to return. The bartender eventually signaled to Kyle to pick up (i guess the tall guy gave the bartender the order).

People coming in after us are getting seated left and right and we are now on 50 minutes.. At almost the hour point we get summoned to our table. The waitress was very good and that was about all that was good (besides the food) with our experience at Houston's.

The table in front of us consisted of 3 people. A gentlemen that obviously can NOT read because clearly stated on the menu there is a note :"NO CELLPHONE USE IN THE DINING ROOM". You get where I'm going with that i hope. A female that for the most part seemed normal because she talked at a low tone as not to bother others with a loud, whiney, obnoxious voice like the third person (female) had.

Now you would think, you are out to dinner in a decently more upper scale place, and that you would have some sort of manners?? Well chick #2, the whiney one, had the mouth of a trucker.. she dropped more f bombs than the Japanese on Pearl Harbor. She also continued to go on and on and on about some guy named Dave and how awesome he was. We pretty much know everything about this Dave person.. right down to the size of his %^$@. Yeah, tell me about it.

After a while Kyle and i looked at each other and, almost as if we were telepathic, said "If Dave is so wonderful where is he?" hahhahahahah!!!

We had to endure the most obnoxiously loud drunk female in NJ for nearly an hour. The guy with the group even baled out early and left the two women to gossip amongst themselves.

If anything, we had a good laugh at this person's expense. So much for a quiet dinner out like it normally is there.

Tonight we are going to Ichiban Japanese Hibachi. We will most likely share a table with two other couples so this should be interesting! If not, you won't hear about it!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Quitting Smoking

2008 is almost over, and tonight at 10:48PM I will be smoke free for 9 months.

I can't believe it has only been 9 months. It feels like forever.. in a great way. I barely remember what it was like to be a smoker except that I can actually breathe now.. I can work out without feeling as though I was going to die from lack of oxygen.. and i can taste food - which is something I wish I wasn't able to do as I want to eat everything yummy now.. and that is pretty much everything fattening. Lattes, burgers, bloomin onions you name it I want it.. but that's besides the point.

The point is.. I can't imagine why anyone would want to still partake in that smelly, expensive, unhealthy habit.. I don't want to hear that they "enjoy" it because that's BS.. Remember, I was a smoker and I said those same things.. but that was the addict in me talking.. Sick sticks are that evil devil on your shoulder convincing you that you don't want to be without them. We call it the Nicodemon in the quit world.. and that demon can be intense in the beginning.. but just like anything.. a screaming puppy, a screaming child, traffic.. it stops eventually. My nicodemon took about oh 90 days to shut up, and he was LOUD most of the time.. but I didn't give in.. (I'll be a good mommy won't i? lol) ya know how i shut him up most of the time? Apples.. that's right apples!

Whenever my demon had a fit i went outside to my designated smoking area and ate an apple instead of smoking.. took about the same time and it shut him up AND it was healthy.. and when you quit smoking you need to eat as healthy as possible. Why? because quitting takes everything your body has and depletes it.. it's a major form of stress and most people (myself included) catch the dreaded quit flu.

You get the aches, the fever, what seems like a real flu.. and once that storm is over is when the healing truly begins because the nicotine is pretty much gone from the system.. It's all a mental battle from this point on.

Although you can take Nyquil and the like to get you through the flu.. it takes an even stronger person to overcome the mental addiction. The one rule is this "Smoking is not an option". A Nic-fit lasts mere seconds, in the beginning the fits roll in quickly one after another. Then the next thing you know it's just a few times an hour. In this stage of the game it's water, water and oh more water. Sugar then calls, so you can opt for gums, jolly ranchers, tic-tacs or in my case, Apples oh and Pepsi became my friend too.. not so my back side's but my taste buds were happy lol.

By the end of the first 30 days i was exhausted, but i wasn't going to let it win. I had too much to lose. Oh and i made Kyle rub in my face the day i almost couldn't catch my breath.. If i slipped he was to remind me of that day.. Well he didn't need to because i never slipped. NOT ONCE.
I will not deny that the thought didn't cross my mind, but I quickly remembered what not breathing was like. It was horrible.

Also, knowing how proud my support-group was made me continue when I wanted to give up the battle.. I couldn't let my fans down. Kyle in particular.. everyday, when I told him I didn't smoke, he told me how proud he was of me and that made it stick harder. My co-worker Sandy to this day tells me how proud she is of me when a new monthly anniversary comes up. Sandy smokes unfortunately, but one day she'll find it in her to quit. It has to be when they are ready though. My Mom also smokes, and one-day hopefully she'll quit too.

Anyway, back to the story..

I had quite a few resources at my disposal. I went to NJ Quit Net for starters and sought advice and gave advice to newbies. I befriended a few people and unfortunately I had to watch some people pass away from the addiction because they just didn't quit soon enough. When you get a post from their family members it really just sucks. That also was a reinforcer in my quit.

The funny parts of quitting: Because it's SO much easier when you have a good sense of humor lol.

Into my first few weeks i was used to having one at a certain time. One night when i left my chiropractor's office i reached in my purse for my pack.. lol yeah.. ok.. dippie.. you quit remember!? lol i laugh about that to this day.. It amazes me what creatures of habit we truly are, addiction or not! because that wasn't a nic-fit.. that was a habit-move lol.

There were other instances just like that one, but that one sticks clearly in my mind because it was my first habit-move lol.

The harder parts:

Socializing wasn't something i really got to involved in during the first 90 days. In fact, i even locked myself in my room and didn't talk to anyone at the house when i was here because that would spark a nic-fit.

Drinking was off the list too until I could socialize successfully.. Now, I can't imagine having a sick stick when I enjoy the full taste of my beer.

Hand cravings.. yeah you heard right.. i had to do stuff with my hands.. now I floss a lot lol.. the dentist is happy. Well, I don't have those anymore anyway but I still floss doc! lol

Unexpected surprises:

My car almost has it's new car smell back. I'm happy about that.

My skin cleared up a lot (I’m not grey anymore)

I don't stink anymore.. yeah now i don't know HOW any NON smoker can date a smoker.. I can smell them across the room .. blech..

My clothes don't stink (well the ones that aren't in my mom's house, all those wreak like a stale ashtray.. it's f'n gross so even though I don't smoke anymore I still smell like ass sometimes)

All-in-all i'm happy that i made the leap to the non-smoker realm. Maybe one day the gov't will ban it at ALL public places.. Including the beach, and outside of restaurants.. cause ya know what smokers? It's not a good thing to be blowing in someone's face, just becuse you like it doesn't mean others do too, have some respect.. There are 400,000 carsinogens in a cigarette.. so you tell me what's more important? killing another person slowly or caving in to the crave..
Trust me, if i can do it anyone can do it.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas! with UPDATE

Merry Christmas Everyone!
Though the day is almost over, i hope that everyone had a wonderful day with friends and family, and that Santa brought you everything your little heart desired.
I made out pretty well this year. The only thing i TRULY wanted that i put on my list i got plus something i ALWAYS wanted and never thought i would own because it's so damn expensive.. Kyle got me the Kitchen Aid stand mixer.

Now i KNOW what you are saying .. are you crazy?! A KITCHEN APPLIANCE!? No, I'm not crazy.. and YES, a Kitchen appliance.. That shows my man pays attention! lol. Although i LOVE LOVE LOVE my mixer, (I'm actually pissed that all the grocery stores are closed because i want to make something!), the REAL gift in this is the fact that he pays attention when i talk. I never outright ASKED him for the mixer.. i just made a comment in passing that i always wanted one but never could afford it.. well less than a month later it was under my Christmas tree! I love him so much!

He also got me one thing that i did want and that i did ask for and that was a sewing machine. I need it for the house to make pillows and curtains and such and they are a bit pricey too. Now all i need is a circular saw and I'll be good to go! lol.

My parents hooked me up with cash, Hess truck, and a remote helicopter.. yes, you heard right.. i wanted it because it's cool as hell lol. i also got a DVD/CD/Video game cataloging system that's cool since i have so many and i hate the room it takes up! i also got a few little gifts that are very much appreciated and i will put to good use!

Today was a long day and I'm still exhausted. i got only a few hours sleep last night because by the time i got home from his mom's, unpacked my car and situated myself it was like 3am and he came home at 5am and of course we had to open gifts i couldn't WAIT until TOMORROW (being the 26th cause he's working tonight). So i traveled down to my Dad's house and i pretty much slept the entire time.. I hated that i was so tired, and felt bad that i slept, but i just had too.. there was no way i was going to be able to drive all the way back up here as tired as i was.

Now I'm going to make a cup of my favorite coffee, finish setting up his iTunes account, put my jammies on and veg out.. I'm tired. My gift to myself for the remainder of the day is rest. But wait.. i just remembered i have corn muffin mix and i can make that and bring it to him at work! OK i think i got my second wind lol
Merry Christmas Everyone!

I LOVE my mixer! LOVE IT! It took me 2 minutes to prepare the mix for the cornbread! 20 minutes to bake it. I brought nice warm corn bread to Kyle and his Trainee (Kyle is now an FTO!) some of my favorite coffee, and some apples. That should put some home cookin' in their bellies for a little while anyway on this not too cold of a Christmas night! Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Almost too embarrassed:UPDATE

To post this in my Tara's Tastes blog..

Today i received an "out-of-the-blue" recipe from Kyle's Grandmother out of state for a rum cake. We were chatting via e-mail for about a week or so now, and she told me she was baking a cake for Christmas dinner and jotted down the recipe. Well, thankfully she did because my company is having a dessert contest tomorrow afternoon and i was stumped on what to make!

So i made the cake.. it's smells awesome and.. well.. it kind of looks funny! lol It's a bundt cake, and i never saw a bundt cake do this! I just HAVE to post this because I'm besides myself!

Anyone have any clues? I've made a gazillion bundt cakes (only cakes i like to make) and this has never happened!

It almost looks like two cakes on top of each other! lol
(there's nuts on the top if you were wondering what that was)
The contest was very well judged. My Rum Cake (that i topped with powdery confectioners sugar) got an honorable mention, although he said he couldn't taste the rum. Which is fine because the tequila in the tequila lime tart someone else made couldn't be tasted either lol.
He picked a German cake for the winner (of course! he's German!) and the winner has to judge the contest next year.. she is of Hispanic decent so i will be hitting up those recipes to perfect for next year! HA HA! I'm on to this one! Two can play at this game! BRING IT!

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Countdown begins!

OK.. so all my Christmas shopping is 99% complete.
The delivery services did their jobs and i received all packages ON-TIME and in one piece, the latter being most important. I just have to get a couple of gift cards and I'm completely DONE!

I went to the store tonight to get the Christmas cards, and gift bags and such.. Now i KNOW I'm getting old.. i get home and the one gift for my co-worker that i was carrying around with me the entire time, being the burden, was the one gift i forgot a gift bag for!! hahahhah! I'm shot.. I think i should tattoo my address on my body somewhere in case i get lost, or wander away from home lol.. this is getting crazy! but i digress while laughing at myself of course! lol

I received a beautifully home-made card from my friend Robin. THANKS GIRL! That card is awesome! YOU ROCK! It was definitely a pleasant surprise!

I didn't plan on doing much traveling this year.. I was going to take advantage of Kyle working and stay local until i HAD to travel up North Christmas night, but his wonderful Mom invited me over for dinner.. Unfortunately, i won't be able to actually HAVE dinner with them, being as i am having dinner with my Mom, but I'll be there for desert! I hope anyway.. She lives VERY far from me and we are supposed to have rain, and it's a high traffic day as well, but hey! if Good Ole' Santa can do it by golly so can I! lol

So tomorrow is it.. i have nothing left but gift cards and a couple of gift bags.. We are having a holiday dessert contest at work on Wednesday. My AWESOME co-worker has volunteered her culinary experiences to our department for the contest and I'm thinking we will most likely win! cause she rocks!

If you don't hear from me have a wonderful, Happy, Safe, Memorable, Fun, Merry Christmas.


Saturday, December 20, 2008

Update on Just in Time for the Holidays

(full story here)

Sean has requested a change of venue because Officer Raji's brother-in-law is the supreme court judge hearing the case.

Though i agree he is due a fair trial, what makes him think the phones stopped working? I mean seriously? As CORRUPT as this state is? One call will send him away no matter WHERE his venue is. He recklessly drank, drove and killed an officer.. Oh i'm sorry, he's innocent until proven guilty.. So a ghost did it i guess.. OR MAYBE his car is out of some Stephen King novel. Give me a break, there shouldn't even BE a trial.

Random Ramblings

This weekend is both productive and annoying at the same time.
The annoyance comes from the weather.. Now I'm all for a nice white velvety blanket of snow on the grass and such for Christmas, but this is nuts.. We got about 8 inches from yesterday's storm. I did A LOT of shoveling.. my back is shot now, but that's my fault. Kyle told me not to, but i didn't want to do it AFTER it all fell and iced up.. just makes it heavier. so i did about 60% of the driveway while he was getting ready for work and for an hour after he left. He kindly finished when he got home from work this morning. Anywho, I just read the weather report on weathertap and now they are calling for ANOTHER 2-5 inches in the area I'm in starting tonight into tomorrow, finishing as sleet or rain and the temps are going to drop to 15 degrees.. OK, since the wonderful DPWs of every town in the God Forsaken state can't properly remove snow from secondary and tertiary streets we will now have MILES and MILES of winding ice skating rinks until Wednesday when the temps get to the 40's.. How my commute to work is going to go Monday morning has yet to be seen, but i promise you this.. I will take yet another day off (or at least a 1/2 day) if i can't safely get to work. Nothing is worth it.. well maybe if i was President of the US but that's about it.

So other than shoveling this weekend I've done 4 loads of laundry, grocery shopping (butt crack of dawn on Friday before the devastation-that's what the news calls it anyway) hit, cooked 2 dinners, cleaned out the fridge, and i started painting the basement. I put the bottom coats on the main wall. I have yet to blend for the water effect as my back is just about done. Kyle is at work, and i watched COPS already.. so i decided to bake a banana cake.. Smells awesome around here lol. OH! that reminds me! i have to marinate the roast for tomorrow! SHOOT! I meant to start that last night.. oh well.. I've been busy lol.

If this is any indication of what this winter is going to be like, I'm calling BS on the whole Global Warming thing. Also, it's just going to be a LONG 3-4 months.. ugh..

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Just in Time for the Holidays

An indictment for drunk driving.

Only this DUI case involves a now deceased officer.
Officer Thomas Raji was killed August 22, 2008 by the accused (Sean McGuirk) after he ran a red light and collided with Officer Raji's patrol vehicle.

Officer Raji graduated the academy with my SO, I never met the man, but it still hurt knowing he knew him and that this officer will no longer see his family, friends, and yet-to-be-born baby. My prayers STILL go out to that family and i hope this indictment brings them closer to some semblance of closure.
Original Story can be found here:;jsessionid=F1DBD8784222A710103DD51AB3DE22AC

I know the intersection very well. I go through it twice a week. To run those two stop lights is near impossible. You are either DRUNK or impatient as the first red light is about 50 feet from the 2nd and the 2nd is in between the north and south lanes of the highway.

Officer Raji's road side memorial now marks the spot where his patrol vehicle came to a stop. It's very very very sad. I thank the bank that allows the memorial to stay, to this day, on their property.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Happy Birthday to me

6 months later! lol
Kyle was FINALLY able to acquire the WiiFit i wanted for my birthday! He surprised me Friday night after work.. Needless to say I've been WiiFitting all weekend and tonight as well.


(The running exercise is, by far, the most hysterical.) I love all the games but the tightrope walk so far.. I just don't understand it at all at this point.. I've gotten through it a couple of times, it's just the balance part.. I'm standing about as even as anyone could and it's making my Mii tilt like she is going to lose her balance.. I guess I'll have to keep at that one.. that's my CHALLENGE challenge lol.

I love the Yoga too.. It's helping me with my form and balance so when i go back to class in January (almost February) I'll have better balance and I'll be better at the forms too.. I'm so glad i have something to bide my time through the down time between semesters. lol!

Tonight i Wii'd for 1 hour and 6 minutes and i only technically "worked out" for 45 minutes. It felt great! I'm glad i have something like this to get me through the winter! Now i want Jillian's(trainer from the biggest loser) WiiFit game. The one the Fit comes with is pretty hard.. but once i unlock all the games I'll need a bigger challenge, and almost all my balancing games are unlocked.. well on the easy levels anyway. There are plenty of levels and challenges to keep one busy for a LONG TIME, but if ever i want to go all out i would like to have Jillian's challenge around to use.

The Ab workout was a hard one.. my abs certainly do feel it today.. but that's good. That's what i need.

If you don' t like to "work out" i highly recommend this little device. It's almost like you AREN'T working out because it's a lot of fun. I would highly recommend it to anyone.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


Tonight i went to my Grandmother's holiday party at the assisted living facility where she lives. My Aunt and Uncle from out of state also attended. I haven't seen my Aunt since last year i think, and I'm so happy i went. I miss them! My Uncle has a new black berry and it's pretty neat what that thing can do! I think i want one! lol. He showed me my cousin's blog (that i didn't know existed) and she blogs all her stuff via her black berry! She's quite the comedian! lol And has a quick witted little personality i never knew existed! I love this girl! ROFL

My Aunt (Also my Godmother) listened to me gripe about something personal in my life that I'm going through, and offered really good advice and support and i think that's what i really needed to get me out of this funk I've been in since Monday night. I just hope it's not too late.
And as i open my fortune cookie left over from last night the fortune reads:
One should not forget the language of Gratitude

Thanks AD! Oh, and thank UD for me for the pics, I got em!

Tonight's entertainment consisted of a woman that sang a few notes while we awaited for the main show to arrive (traffic.. by now you know NJ sucks with traffic). It was a singing group of girls from the College that sang holiday songs and a few others via alcapella (s/p?).. Very nice i thought.. they gave me the goosebumps lol. My g-ma wasn't too thrilled, she liked the Elvis impersonator from last year better, and she wasn't shy about letting people know about it either lol.
My neighbor was there with her children (wasn't expecting THAT lol.. yeah the barking dogs lady (not sure if i ever mentioned that one before) well her mother is in the same facility as my G-ma.. And her mom is a little loose lipped too!
What's with old people? is it that they are oblivious to their surroundings? or they just don't give a shit? lol i can't WAIT then I'll get a backbone! lol
oh well, such is life lol.

On another good note.. I got my shoes tonight for the EMS dinner in January.. I'm happy with my purchase.. can't beat free overnight shipping! THANK YOU! They seem comfy enough too.. For once i won't be wearing a black dress and shoes.. I'm wearing RED with silver strappy shoes.. i need to go tanning lol I'm pale.. man i hate Winter lol.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Yoga should be mandatory

Tonight was my last class for the semester (I'm desperately hoping to get into Jeanne's class again for the winter semester, but it fills up quick). It started off very grim. I arrived in the high school parking lot to emptiness (usually you can't get a spot close enough to the building), but i grabbed my yoga magazine and started to read hoping other's would show up. Thankfully they did!

About 10 minutes before class was to start i headed inside and was greeted by one of the adult school teachers (I think he said his name was Todd, but i could be mistaken), he proceeded to inform me that Jeanne was stuck in traffic on the parkway (REALLY BAD ACCIDENT) but hoped to arrive about 20 to 7 and that i was more than welcome to wait in the resource center (where class is held).

About 4 of us started our stretches, and laughed, and talked about the anxiety we all felt about getting into the winter class. More people arrived and before you knew we were getting ready for breathing.. One very nice gentlemen decided to do Jeanne a favor and started us on our breathing, shortly thereafter she arrived and praised us, her pupils, for being patient and understanding, and knowing that we were not pressuring her got her through the 3.5 hour traffic jam she endured just to teach us a class she could have cancelled. For our reward we were going to have a restorative Yoga class. Yeah, it's what i needed big time.

I didn't understand what it meant, but i was a very willing participant! Basically restorative Yoga is when you never get off the mat. You never stand up, you do all movements lying down. I hate to admit this but i had better stretches and felt more relaxed in this class then any Yoga class thus far.

After twisting like a pretzel, literally, we went into Savangsana, deeply into it actually. So deep that as cold as that room was i didn't feel it.. after a while i didn't even feel the floor underneath me. It was like i was floating.. i was in Yoga sleep.. aware of my surroundings, yet not awake, i heard everything Jeanne was saying and also my mind was quiet. No pictures, no sounds, no ideas, no anger, no stress, nothing.. just quiet Yoga sleep. Until the guy next to me snored lol, scared the crap outta me! but i quickly recovered and found my quiet again.

I was very angry today for a few reasons, some of which are personal, and it took her traffic experience, restorative Yoga, and the guy next to me snoring, oh and the Chinese food tonight to help me out of that anger. Sometimes, even though being angry is bad, God makes on feel that emotion just in time to cure it. Had i not been angry i may not have had the experience i had tonight. I felt it leave me every time i had to hold a pose, or breathe a little deeper, or stretch a little farther. I found my total peace in Savangsana, and now I'm so happy i wanna cry! lol

Jeanne was kind enough to give a poem as a hand out with a tea light candle. She said whenever we need focus between now and the next semester in 6 - weeks, to light the candle and meditate, she also offered this poem by Carolyn Hoppe

Light a candle for help for each
Heart that's in need

A candle for every
Compassionate deed,

Light a candle for smiles on
The children's faces

A candle for peace between
Countries and races

Light a candle that shines like
A star in the night

Light a candle of hope

For a future that's bright

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Christmas Overseas

For the past few weeks i've received a few e-mails regarding ways to send Christmas cards or notes to our troops overseas. Below is a link to Xerox's site. I already sent 2 Xerox cards out this morning. I hope you can find the time to send some cards as well. I may just go out and buy a pack of cars and mail them all to the WRAMC.. These guys/gals need a nice gesture for the holidays i'm sure.

This is a wonderfull service and only takes a few moments of your time:

The address below is one you can actually MAIL a card to. These are for the vets recovering in the hospital:

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue NW
Washington, D.C. 20307-5001


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Union County Sherrif's Officer fighting for his life

I was unfortunate enough to see this news story while eating dinner tonight. The pictures of the unmarked car made me sick. How anyone survived this crash is beyond me.. He was completely t-boned by a vehicle traveling 100mph. The fleeing suspect hit the driver's side of Officer Coon's vehicle. He just got married, his wife also works for the agency. My prayers go out to her and their families in this dark time.
What the article fails to mention is the severe head injury Officer Coon has.
See Story Below with Link

Union County sheriff's officer critical after his car is hit by robbery suspect

ELIZABETH —A Union County sheriff's officer is in critical condition after a robbery suspect driving more than 100 miles per hour slammed his vehicle into the officer's unmarked patrol car Tuesday night in Elizabeth, a county official said.
Sheriff's Officer Christopher Coon, 28, suffered life-threatening injuries in the 10:45 p.m. crash on Routes 1 and 9, Union County spokesman Sebastian D'Elia said. The Rahway resident, a five-year veteran, was taken to University Hospital in Newark with injuries including a collapsed lung, facial lacerations and a broken fibula and tibia.
Another sheriff's officer, James Guerrant, 26, was treated and released from Trinitas Hospital in Elizabeth Tuesday morning. The Garwood resident was also in the patrol car at the time of the crash.
Authorities arrested at least one man after the alleged armed robbery in Newark led to a police chase through Hillside and Elizabeth, D'Elia said. The suspects were allegedly driving between 100 and 125 mph, east on South Broad Street, when their Jeep slammed into the driver's side of the patrol car as it traveled north on Routes 1 and 9, authorities said.Waleed Dozier, 31, of East Orange was charged with eluding police and causing serious injury while eluding. He was being held in lieu of $500,000 bail.
Coon, who is the stepson of Union County Sheriff Ralph Froehlich, also underwent surgery for a damaged knee and has a shunt in his head, the county spokesman said. Both he and Guerrant have received several commendations from their department.

Today's thought

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

This was an e-mail originally sent to me today by a co-worker. It speaks the abslute truth lol.!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Comedy in Curiosity

Puppies are definitely an extremely reliable source of good quality entertainment. Take tonight for example. Mom and I just finished eating dinner when we noticed the new puppy, Miki, looking at her reflection in the water bowl. She bobbed her nose in a few times then went to paw at her image when we stopped her. It was at that point that i decided to put an ice cube in the water to see what she would do with it.

Now i clearly know she has not experienced the ice cube so my curiosity was surely peaked. Good ole' Miki didn't let me down! I guess ice cubes make this REALLY highly pitched squealing sound while they are melting in a bowl of water and Miki clearly was astounded by this new toy she thinks she might have found.

Not quite sure what to make of it she slowly creeps up to the bowl, pawing at it just slightly for whatever dog reason she thinks is necessary.

Clearly she is not sure what to make of this little white floating noise maker in the water dish. She is also oblivious to my Mom and I laughing hysterically while taking pictures of her lesson of the day. LMAO!
After many minutes of pawing at the bowl and staring at the ice cube in wonderment, Miki decides to go nose first to get out the water-bowl intruder.

She's a happy puppy! and we FINALLY got a dog to retrieve and dispose of the missed ice cubes from the ice maker. Good Girl Miki!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Black Friday should be eliminated: Update

Why? It's a joke. People are a joke, and I'm sick and tired of hearing on the news every year about some poor soul or more dying because the animals can't behave.

In a Long Island NY Walmart yesterday a store employee opening the doors was trampled by a mob of people rushing into the store and he died. At same store a woman entering was knocked down by another loser and she miscarried. If i were the victim and their families i would sue all of those assholes for such a sum of money that their great-grandchildren's children would paying the debt. Maybe by then the lessons of manners and acting humane would hopefully set in.

So here is what i propose. If stores want to open way early and advertise huge bargains and the like it should be a federal mandate that police officers guard the entrances to these places to keep some semblance of peace. It would benefit the police because these establishments would have to pay them overtime to protect them from any mad rushes these cannibals would most likely create. Any people getting out of line would immediately be hauled off to jail and maybe spanked and taught a lesson that their parents obviously failed to teach them in the first place.

The riot squads would then be on immediate stand by for when the masses get un-ruly, because you know they will. Especially in NY. For some reason those people were created from a different mold than the rest of us.. Please keep your kin on your side of the rivers please as we don't want your cancer out here in the REAL world. Oh wait, NJ is almost as bad, but not as bad.

I hope the rest of you have managed to stay alive yesterday, if not, God bless you.

Take care out there it's going to be crazy for the next month.

The pregnant woman is ok. The news gave false information (typical).
A Legislator from NY has proposed legislation that would not allow this type of madness to happen again.
Also my additional thoughts. No one would be allowed to "camp out" prior to the store opening. That would prevent any savage masses to gather in the first place.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is just about here! YAY! My FAVORITE holiday by far.. No gifts, no hype, just great food, football, and 4 days of rest (or shopping depending on how you spend your black Friday/Saturday/Sunday).

I love to reflect on the past year and all of the things i have to be thankful for. Some people may do this around New Year's, but i do it on this day because it means more to me. I have tons to be thankful for this year:
First and Foremost our troops. If not for them i wouldn't be blogging right now probably. Have a Happy Thanksgiving guys and gals may you all return home safely to your loved ones!
Having all of my senses in tact and working properly-FINALLY!, a job, a nice car, a place to live (or two lol), great family, friends, Kyle and his family, my co-workers (namely Sandy), my boss George, my corporate trainer Mike, 3 great puppies Delta/Miki/Jake oh and Kitty, Blogger (because i can share my creativity with the world!), the strength to quit smoking and the strength to keep the quit (8 months today!), Yoga and my Yoga instructor, Outback Steakhouse for their Bloomin' Onion (it makes my taste buds happy), no more Panic Attacks, and very very very mild anxiety attacks now and again (you all KNOW how bad THAT was wow), Golf and my Golf Instructor George, Charlie Browns for their salad bar, West Virginia-please never change, The I.T. Dept. at work! YOU GUYS ROCK!, having a creative mind, law enforcement, and anything else that escapes my mind at the moment.. oh yeah.. My Espresso, oh and Lattes from Dunking Donuts!

So to all of you that stumble upon this place over the next few days have a wonderful, safe, healthy, restful, thankful, Happy Thanksgiving. And to show my appreciation for your support in my life no matter what level, here is an e-card just for you!

Oh, and if you are looking for a quick easy dessert to bring to dinner.. try my Pumpkin Muffins


Here is a joke a nice guy posted on my brother's website
I hope you enjoy!

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's
mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried
to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words,
playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up"
the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled
back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in
the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and
screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for
over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly open the door to the
freezer, the parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and
said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions
and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and
unforgivable behavior.
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about
to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior,
the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Workouts #3 & #4

It's definitely the Yoga and Vitamins.
Friday was workout #3 of my self-challenge. Like prior workouts this one was just as hard if not worse. I also weighed in 4 lbs lighter than the day i started. I'm very happy about that to say the least.

I stretched upon arrival and he had me run for three minutes on 5.2 on the treadmill with 1.5 incline for 3 minutes to warm up.

Immediately from the treadmill to the following
2 sets each 25 reps of each

Forward lunge with twist holding 10lbs
Step ups on the bench
Elephant trunk swing between legs with 10 lbs weight
Chin ups with lat bar pull down 40 lbs then 50 lbs
Upright Row with band
Pull backs with band
Jumping jacks
Push ups
and something like a standing mountain climber 1 minute
Abs 1.5 minutes each:
Lie on back arms raised next to ears. Touch right arm to left leg lifting both and vis a vis

Took the potassium, magnesium, Complex B, C and Calcium.
I did my own Yoga that night and viola! no pain.. a little stiffness, but no pain.

Today was workout #4. Brutal just brutal.
I did the same regimen with the vitamins and tonight i had Yoga class so I'm in tip-top shape already!
Here was the workout from today (#4)
5 minute warm up on the stair climber at level 4

2 sets each / 20 reps each
Lunges with 10lb weights in each hand
Side step ups on bench
Elephant wings with 10lb weight
Jumping Jacks 1 minute

Chin pull downs 45 lbs
Upright rows with 10lb dumbbell (i couldn't do 2 10lbers it was too much for my shoulders)
then i switched to the machine and used 15lbs with the bar
Alternating over-head presses with band

No time left for crunches today though.. ugh

In Yoga class we had some more of the same type of teachings as the last time i went. There were exercises for triceps, and the happy dog was triceps as well. A lot of hamstring poses and warrior poses too. All in all it was a great day!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Oh Miki You're So Fine

I'm the best daughter in the world.. I think anyway lol.
Anywho. Today i took my Puppy Delta to Petco for her grooming. Before they discharged her i had to pay. While I'm standing in line the cutest puppy tugged on my pant leg with her paw. So i of course had to show her some lovin! At the end of her leash was a woman and i had asked how old (6 Months) and her name (Twinkie). Then i noticed the red bandanna around her neck said Adopt me Please! So I did!
Delta got along with her great at the store and Twinkie gave kisses to her and palled around with Delta for a good portion of the time there filling out paperwork.

They both hopped in the car for the trek home and they love hanging out together and playing outside. I called my Mom, who was in Atlantic City and told her what i did. hee hee.. she wasn't thrilled, but it was too late!

Ya see, Kyle had asked me about 3 weeks ago to move in with him. I'm in the process of trying to make that transition. It would be easier had i not have to commute an hour to work and back everyday, plus tolls, gas, wear and tear, etc. and with winter upon us the SNOW.. i don't drive in the snow after it hits 1 inch and the roads start coating, i certainly am not going to travel 50 miles in it, and when my company moves 75 miles in it. So I'm trying to get through the winter at home then move up in the spring time. At least that's the plan anyway thus far.

Anywho, Delta is coming to Kyle's with me when i do finally move. My mom is super upset and has been looking for a dog to train and get situated before i leave, but has been having a very hard time finding the perfect fit. Well after seeing sweet little Twinkie today i knew she would be a perfect fit.

My Mom came home from AC today and fell in love with her. Twinkie truly is the most adorable puppy. She has almost the same facial markings as our dear Maya that passed almost 2 years ago. Her birthday is 1 day before my Mom's and she was a rescue dog. They found her, her siblings, and mom on the side of the road in Virginia somewhere.
She has been spayed and trained and is almost completely house broken already.

The only thing is her name. She doesn't LOOK like a Twinkie (I don't have a picture yet, but once i do I'll update the post) and when she gets older and bigger (Shepherd/Collie mix) it certainly won't be cute anymore. After many considerations we stopped on Miki. She responds to it well and it kind of fits, but honestly I'm not digging it for her. I think I'll have to hit up one of the baby name websites to pick out a name!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

The trick is to Yoga and take vitamins!

I've been so busy setting up my other blogs that I haven't been paying attention to detail and I’m a little back logged.

Tuesday was my 2nd hard core, biggest loser style butt whooping by my corporate physical trainer. This session was just as grueling as the first, and I’m loving my metabolism right now. It's burning away. I'm already seeing some results.. I weigh in tomorrow, but I'm guessing 3 lbs at least.

My session consisted of the following:
3 sets of each
Wide legged squats with weight 15 reps
Squads with tension band 15 reps
Jumping Jacks 1 minute each set
Chin Pull Downs 40 lbs 12 reps
Standing Chest Press using band 45 seconds
Arm raises with him as the resistance 45 seconds

Abs 2 sets of each (I’m not sure of the name so I’ll give the description)
Lie on back, legs together, lift to 90 degree angle while holding weight lift upper and lower body up 1 minute
Bicycles 1 minute
After the session I popped Potassium, Magnesium, Complete B complex, and Calcium vitamins, and lucky for me I had a Yoga class that evening as well.

My Yoga instructor attended classes while we were on break for 2 weeks to learn new stuff. She brought Pilates style Yoga to the class that evening. It included tension bands, blocks and movements that were very similar to those that I had to use in my physical therapy sessions for 6 months this year.. I joined Yoga class to stretch and relax, not do PT, I do that anyway everyday at home as a part of my healthy spine regimen.
After we were finished learning our "new" moves, she guided us into our hamstring balancing act.. I love this move and it has diminished all tightness in my hamstrings and legs that the next morning i did not feel any pain from my work out with the trainer. The session prior whooped me hard to the point that to even go to sit down do use the facilities was extremely painful. Now I know how to combat this issue. Yoga and Vitamins!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

End Of Watch - FBI Agent Samual Hicks

Story was found on CNN.
His Family is in my prayers. R.I.P

Branching off

I decided to branch off into the Blogging world.
Too often, in my blog travels i see some really cool sites and they primarily focus on one topic. I have Plenty of one topicers to blog about so i decided to start another blog for Recipes/cooking. It can be found at:
I love to cook, and i have decided to delve deeper into the cooking world now that i have someone to cook for (on the weekends at least).
So please stop by and enjoy! It's a W.I.P so please be patient and check back regularly!

Bon Appetite!

I also love photography so I started another blog for that as well

And here is another one for decorating and the like ( I have yet to post in it as of 9:07PM. I might move my post from here over to start it off of redecorating Kyle's house but i have not decided on the format yet.

Friday, November 14, 2008

The Biggest Loser

I have to give credit where credit is due.
Those people on that show are amazing. From start to finish they are a true inspiration to everyone, not just those that are overweight.

I, for instance, weigh just over a buck. Almost 10lbs heavier than 2 months ago. Where this weight gain is coming from has baffled me and I'm not happy about it. I've done the checks and balances and cannot ascertain how this is and has happened.. but i digress.

Today, in my personal training session with the corporate trainer, i walked in with a goal. That goal was to have him push me to the limit that they do on The Biggest Loser. Silently hoping he would start me next week i was surprised when he moved on me right then and there. I was not ready for what was about to unfold.. For 30 minutes he busted my ass, and i mean BUSTED. I won't be walking up stairs this weekend that's for sure. Which is fine because i won't be able to carry a laundry basket either so it won't matter.

I have been working out since i was 16 years old. Not hard-core like the body builders but i stay in shape. (That is why this surprise in weight gain is bothering me.) Needless to say my training session with Mike has rocked my proverbial world. Though i have worked out pretty seriously at times i have never had orders barked at me and almost near yelling to get me moving.. 1 MORE! 1 more? 1 turned into 5 more! but all worth it. NO breaks in between sets AT ALL except to drink water and even that was at his discretion (which was fine it was mostly after each set so there was no danger to me with hydration). I never sweated as much as i did in the 18 years i have been working out like i did today. I actually felt like i was going to puke at one point, thankfully i didn't.

Needless to say I'm happy with this experience. I actually felt that i accomplished a GREAT workout. He gave me instructions for the weekend that i have to follow as well, and being the people pleaser that i am I'll do what I'm told just so i don't have to answer to him if i don't. I'm hoping i see the results quickly, and I'm excited for Tuesday when i go back.

Today's workout consisted of the following:
3 sets each:
20 forward lunges
15 elephant swings with the medicine ball
1 minute jumping jacks
10 step ups per leg on the bench

3 sets each:
20 pull backs with the band
10 push ups
1 minute mountain climbers
20 upright rows with the band

1 minute crunches with weight
1 minute bicycles

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Space for thought

Reading others' blogs can be a very interesting way to find topics to blog about. I'm loving married2thelaw's blog, as it makes me think about daily things in my life with my SO Kyle that normally i wouldn't really tip a hat to.

One topic in particular is his work schedule and my sleeping habits. lol. I have to laugh because when i read her blog i was cracking up. Reading it has also brought up the thought of my co-worker that is married to a FF, hahhahhahaha! When i started working at my company She would always tell me stories of how her DH was working and how she couldn't wait to have clicker privileges and sprawl across the bed. I would think to myself - huh? i would always want my SO to be with me at night..

Well somewhere between 5 years ago and today that has all changed!!! Don't get me wrong i love when Kyle is home from work and i can sleep with him at night and wake with him in the morning, but something has to be said for having it all to myself! I'm not into cuddling too much in bed because I'm quote "like the sun" ( i get very hot very quickly), and unfortunately because of the idiot box the only time we talk or laugh in bed is when we vacation in W.VA. where the TV is non existent.

I have been separated and divorced for over 5 years, so i have become accustomed to sleeping alone and being independent in regards to eating alone, doing things alone like shopping (which i prefer to do 99% of the time), and not having someone under my feet to get in my way when cleaning or painting etc.. I will not deny that being alone most of the time bothers me as i do get lonely. Kyle and I do not live together, yet (post for another time), so during the work-week I'm home in my world an hour away from him doing my thing: Dr's appts., yoga classes, golf lessons, updating the blog, banking etc.. It gets me by, and i get lonely and long to talk to him at night. But mostly he's working and those calls are usually cut short because of some idiot speeding or some bogus call coming over because people can't behave, and in the Land of Make Believe the villagers are always misbehaving..

Before i started spending every weekend up at his place it never really affected me on the weekends, because the only weekends i saw him was when he was off-duty (every other weekend) so on those weekends i was in my world doing my stuff, and yes, i missed him but not like i did when he wasn't around on the weekends he worked and i was at his place alone.

At first it was a very uneasy feeling. The house was quiet, i was nervous to do things like put his laundry away because i didn't want him to think i was going through his stuff. Which i would never do btw, i just felt weird, at the same time i was bored so i did his laundry and mine and would fold his clothes and put them away. I got over that weird feeling very quickly needless to say because it kept me busy and made me feel that i accomplished something in my time at his house. I very very rarely slept in the bed alone. I would camp out on the couch in the living room with the TV and scanner on all night long. Listening to him work while watching my shows in the AM hours was comforting and for the most part put me to sleep until he would come home. He would make himself breakfast and relax until he was tired enough to go to sleep and that's when i usually would go shopping and stuff to kill the time and stay out of the house to prevent waking him up. When the summer months came i would lay out on the deck. Make him breakfast when he awoke and sometimes dinner when he was not the early car. When he would go to work i would bust out the paint cans and get started painting, he'd come home to a new look to whatever room i was working on and he liked it i guess.. at least he told me he did.. mostly because he didn't have to do the work I'm guessing lol.

Somewhere between then and now i have taken a liking to not having him in bed on the weekends he's working and I look forward to it! I SPRAWL out all over the bed. I sleep with HIS pillows for his scent to keep me cozy, I have full reign of the clicker, and i don't cover the windows with black-out sheets and can wake up with the sun. I have become so used to sleeping alone that on the weekends he is home and i have to work the next morning i can't sleep with him in the bed. If he moves I'm awake and i can't fall back to sleep. So lately, he's been sleeping on the couch. I don't ask him to, he does it because he wants me to sleep. I love him for it, but i do miss him. I think we might have to get two twin beds and push them together lol, kind of like my grandparents did!

I love Kyle to death, more times than not he's sacrificed his comfort for mine and i didn't even have to ask. I don't like it sometimes, and i guess i need to learn to vocalize my need to have him there with me when he's home from work.

It makes me forward think about when we cohabitate. He will essentially not be there more than he isn't now. I'm currently not affected by his EMS schedule which keeps him out of the house for 13 hours and does not sleep at home, so that is 2-4 extra nights per month that he will not be with me. Now, I'm in the comfort of my own town, my friends are all there and family is close by. Up north I'll essentially be alone, though that sounds great sometimes, more times than not it's lonely.

In closing, it is who he is and he was this person long before i came around. If i want him full-time i guess i have to suck it up so to speak. He has compromised and sacrificed a lot in our relationship (not that i haven't) it's the least i can do. Hopefully some day, Kyle and I will meet somewhere in the middle, but until then I HAVE THE BED ALL TO MYSELF!

Monday, November 3, 2008

West Virginia Here I Come!!!

It's vacation time.. and a well deserved one at that.
Most people think warm tropical climate, or snowy mountain tops when they think vacation. Me? I think West Virginia, and not doing a darn thing for a week. No TV, no radio (not including the IPod of course), good food... scratch that.. make that GREAT food, great drinks, and great conversation. Not to mention the best sleep anyone can have, consistently, every night.

I take my best pictures in W. VA. it must be the clean air, or could it be that i can actually stop to smell the roses without getting run over by 1 million + cars and bad attitudes to boot? Yeah, that's probably it. The picture above is one i took during my August trip. It was a plant growing from the dirt embedded in a rock in a creek behind our house. The Autumn should provide me with a different perspective of my surroundings as i have only been there in the summer months when all things living are thriving in abundance everywhere you look. I'm looking forward to new sites and sounds, and less bugs! But mostly, I'm looking forward to relaxing with Kyle and his family. They are a great, fun bunch to hang with while on vacation.

It will be cold there unfortunately, i won't be able to practice my Yoga creek side like i was able to do in the summertime. It will also be much quieter because Kyle's nephews won't be there. Who will my subjects be for pictures? The two boys are so much fun to follow with the camera, i have taken some REALLY good shots of the guys and boys during my last few visits there. The boys will be missed greatly during this visit I'm afraid. At the same time though, it's the 10 year anniversary of when the guys started going to W. Va. on their own, without the parents. So there will be a lot of, shall we say, partying going on. Hardly an environment for youngsters, and Dad can let lose without having to keep an eye on the boys.

Never-the-less this is a vacation that i desperately need. My stress levels have been pretty high in the last month with the restructuring of certain divisions within my company and i was moved to a different department all-together. NO complaints, just a lot of new things to learn and well, with new things sometimes comes stress. Not really negative stress, just new stuff that I'm not used to. So hopefully, when i return from vacation, i will be able to sustain the peacefulness that always becomes me in God's country, and i will be better equipped to handle the new challenges that face our newly structured department. At least i hope so, because my back can't handle the stress anymore!

I will be gone for a week, with no access to the Internet. I won't even know when John McCain wins the presidency either until i head into town when we arrive and hear the town's folks discussing it over coffee.

I can't wait.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Consistently Inconsistent The Finale

It's true...
Tonight i had one of the best nights in the cage. I have reclaimed the title of Tigress Woods!
First, let's start off by saying it's really cold out. Thankfully, non-students don't go to the range when it's cold out like this because George turned the heaters on and kept us on the bottom level. It was comfy, almost hot at times, which made it perfect for concentrating. I also went to Charlie Browns for the salad bar again.. I think that being able to sit and relax and enjoy a really good salad and just visualize my A game helps me focus for when i do get to the range. But i digress.

I arrived early and first as usual. George was giving me one-on-one lessons for the most part for nearly 15 minutes before the others arrived. At first i was grounding them, (things are different on the bottom level, because on the top level everything is up in the air!) then slicing them. He showed me where on the ball and club i was striking and he put one of the rubber tees in front of my tee and told me strike the ball and not hit that tee.. It's totally psychological. I hit the ball every single time and for the most part it went pretty straight. I, for the most part, know what i do when i top the ball now because i made one adjustment and i hit the ball nearly perfectly once i figured it out.. George was impressed with my game on this final night of lessons.

Then for some reason i drew a blank about a 1/4 way through a jumbo bucket. I forgot how far back from the ball i was to stand. George was laughing because i was standing so far away i acted as if the ball "had cooties". He reminded me of the rule and i addressed the ball again. This time it was effortless, straight, and it had quite a distance to it. The teacher was happy now and told me that of all the students in our class i am, by far, the one with the best swing, (not that that is saying much because everyone else is hacking at the ball), but I laughed and thanked him at the same time. Then he got serious on me, he said "once you learn to incorporate your body movement with your swing you will be one mean person to play with. You have awesome potential, just move your body more, be more thorough. I watch you stop 3/4 through a full swing and laugh when you wonder why it slices right". We had a good laugh, because i just can't seem to blend the two together, but when i do the ball goes, and it goes far and straight.

I used all of the clubs except for the woods, wedges and driver. My goal was to own that 5 iron, and i did along with the 7, 9 and 8. The 6 was kind of boring but i did well with it. Towards the end George huddled us together for a chat and demo on club swing, addressing the ball (don't stand so far away-joke was on me and we laughed), and practicing at home with ordinary objects. He mentioned that for the winter the range will be open until 7pm and if we wanted to come on our own and if he sees us there he will help us out at no charge because he wants us to practice and practice right. He also mentioned he's trying to get lessons started earlier this year (like February-yikes! cold!) which would come in handy for my possible trip to a tropical climate in the spring.

In parting, this experience has had it's ups and downs. For the most part though i have learned a lot and i certainly am better now than i was 6 weeks ago. I can not believe it's been 6 weeks already. Through it all though, i have learned that this game is not as easy as the pros make it look, and that most of us will never get nearly as close to the status that a pro is. The game is meant to be fun and strategic. With the right knowledge and understanding and willingness to concentrate and retain, anyone can partake in this sport. Yes, sport and one of the most difficult ones i might add.

Until Next time! I will see you on the LINX!!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Dreams and Aspirations Unfulfilled

Growing up i wanted to be many things. First a cop, modeled after one of my favorite TV shows CHiPs. My childhood friends and i used to role play that with our big wheels when we were young.. lol just thinking back on that i laugh hysterically. The many times i made Chris be the bad guy so i could chase after him and then tackle him to the ground lol. The little tough girl i wasn't!
It's funny looking back now.. Chris and his older brother are both police officers, another friend of the group is a state trooper, another a lawyer, and my g/f a police officer as well. I was the only one left behind. Left to live the civilian life desperately trying time and time again to fill those shoes and to close the circle of childhood friends of law enforcement.

I tested, went through background checks, fingerprints, interviews with the top brass and mayor and council. Was highly liked by the Chief of the one department i interviewed with. He like my personality so much he pushed me into an interview with the mayor even though my # was farther down than what the mayor was willing to interview. The interview went as good as anyone could hope. 2 days later the chief called me personally to tell me i didn't make it, and that he regretted the mayor's decision and tried to persuade him otherwise. I thanked him for his effort and time.
It was a punch and kick in the gut. With everything i was going through in my life, that was the last thing i needed.. It was my dream. Something i physically and mentally prepared for.. the academy.. a new life.. the life i always wanted to live.. My independence.

Though i was kicked hard i never went down.. I kept my head up, continued to work out and study and test.. Even though by test #3 i was just beat down emotionally and i didn't really want the job anymore.. I am getting older and quite honestly.. i just can't take the stress anymore. I let test #4 pass without my presence in any of the testing centers. I officially called the battle over.
In my state 35 yrs of age is the cap. Meaning, i would have to be sworn in by then. By the time the results came out, letters sent out, background checks and psych tests done it would be passed my 35th b-day. I knew when to fold my cards and i did so as graciously as i could.

It's hard dating a cop, when your dream of once becoming one is now a chapter in your life that has been read and put on the shelf. You see what he does, the training, the family, the bond, and yes the danger, and it stings quite a bit. I never really talk about that with anyone. Not even Kyle.. He would never understand, none of my friends that are LEO can or would.. So if i do feel the need to talk about it it's with those that have joined me in test-prep, testing centers and interviews and where skimmed over by the rule of 3. Those are truly the only ones that can understand.

In the middle of childhood and early adulthood and my aspiration to be a cop i wanted to be in the Armed Forces. An Army recruiter came to my high school in my senior year, and it was my ticket to a free education and to serve my country.
I filled out all the necessary paperwork and when i was told to call the recruiter office i did hastily. Another gentleman answered the line and did a pre-interview on the phone. He asked my weight and height then told me i was too "under weight" for my age and height and that the Army would not take me. Under weight? since when is that a bad thing? by the Dr's standards yes i was, but i was very healthy. i worked out every day i ate great, i was very healthy. I begged the guy to let me come in but he wasn't having it.. he told me to gain 15 lbs.. yeah, no way.. I could barely keep the weight on let alone gain! and i ate like a horse! Never-the-less it was a dream unfulfilled, a punch in the gut. With that slap in the face i said to myself "If the Army won't take you no police dept will, so look for another line of work". This, of course, was before the laws of discrimination.

Prior to the armed forces and ever dreaming of REALLY becoming a cop i always wanted to be an interior designer. It's something that i guess i always found very interesting, and it kept my creative, artistic mind moving. When i graduated high school i wanted to go to interior design school. Unfortunately, back in those days, the only school available was in Philadelphia. I didn't have the money to pay for school, live there, or commute. So it also ended up being a dream unfulfilled. As was college.

I settled into customer service related jobs through the crappy economy of the 90's. I was laid off 3 years in a row on Good Friday by 3 separate employers. So i decided to stay out of work for a while and go to college.. That lasted all of 1/2 a semester. I went on the state's dime, and i had to move to NY temporarily in an emergency situation (long story, but it was life or death). Because i moved out of state i had to forfeit the funds to school. I was doing great too. i was majoring in liberal arts to seek a Psychology major. I loved it.. classes were awesome and all of my professors rocked! i cried when i was in with my the student counselor, because i felt defeated, but at the same time i couldn't lie to the state and give a fake address just to continue to go to school. So i again accepted defeat and saw another dream unfulfilled. (Though i can always go back to this one, thankfully)

My next two aspirations were either to be married, be a wife, have some sort of purpose. Or join the Air Force and become an AP, getting me closer to the LE career attempt that had yet to unfold. I found a recruiter and started all the paperwork, i was set to see the doc for my physcial and take my ASFAB test but during that time I managed to find a guy to fill the role of husband. This all happened 8 years ago. We met at a Super Bowl party, and we hit it off immediately. We were engaged 2 weeks later (there goes the AF career), married 2 years later in Vegas. Bad move, and it showed my naivete at that very young age. He was an alcoholic.. and a violent one at that. Though he drank everyday i never really noticed how bad he really was until we were married. Because once that ring went on my finger he deemed me his property. It wasn't him holding back anymore. I was verbally attacked the night of my vows in the middle of the Venetian with the entire casino floor in silence all because i wanted to leave my dealer a $5 tip out of my $500 winnings. He flipped a switch that night, and the moment before his mouth opened was the last moment i wanted to be near him for the next 15 months i was living under the same roof with him. Not only did i have to deal with his verbal and mental abuse, i had to deal with his constant infidelity. He even made-out with a broad he didn't know right in front of me on one of his drunken stoopers at a convention we were at. I was married for 6 months.. i was devastated. I didn't talk to him for 30 days and sadly, when i finally told him why i wasn't talking to him he had no idea what he did, he was that drunk. The wife of a good friend of his told me the next day, and this saying will and has stuck with me since then, "Fool me once shame on you; Fool me twice shame on me". Needless to say i never let the "fool me twice" happen (with my knowledge) and I left in the arms of 2 police officers and my brother's Mustang back home to Mom. 2 more defeats.. a failed marriage, and a failed attempt at a life of independence.

When life beats you down on the big things it makes you feel defeated, but we pick ourselves up and move to the next dream we hope will come true. Right now, the only dream i have is to finish decorating Kyle's house. Sadly, it's the only dream i can attain as i am 1/3 of the way completed already ( I will post the progress on that in the days to come). I do have others, but i don't think that they will happen as those decisions are out of my control and how can one dream when someone else is in complete control? You can't, because if you do you are just setting yourself up for another dream unfulfilled.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Consistently Inconsistent part duh

I'm so disgusted i can't even write about it anymore..
The putter is easy once you know how to hold the club correctly.. no biggie.. it's a flat surface so putting was a cinch.. Get on a real green where there is a break, then come see me about it.

Prior to putting, George instructed us to hit some balls.. didn't care which club, just practice.. Yeah well i suck.. i don't understand why i cannot grasp, week after week, a very simple swing!!! i mean COME ON!. (yes, for all you golfers out there you can understand my foul mood, perhaps i should not blog after a shitty night at lessons). I don't shift my body, I'm topping the ball.. out of a jumbo bucket, my hybrid and my precious enemy the 5 iron, i hit 3 balls correctly.. 3 BALLS!!! i stopped with 10 balls in my bucket cause i just got so damn fed up. and that's my story.

On to even better news.. the tires are fixed and I'm $512.48 poorer. My next car? a 10-speed. Tubes are just a few bucks.

I hate this week.. i need a vacation and my vacation to W VA. on the 5th just isn't going to be enough I'm afraid.. i think i need to go somewhere warm.. maybe visit some friends while I'm away that i haven't seen in a while.. traveling alone sometimes is good for minimal aggravation.
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