Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Everything happens for a reason. 2 parts
But WHAT is that reason?
Today i should be sitting on a white sandy beach in Aruba drinking some sort of alcoholic beverage.
Instead, I'm home, eating shitty Chinese food and tip tapping away on my keyboard.
Why? because God and/or Mother Nature and/or Father Winter decided to play a REALLY CRUEL game.. Make 12 hours of snow look worse on radar and cancel all flights. Yep, my flight was canceled.. next one out is AFTER Kyle's vacation is over. for all that know about LEO jobs.. you can't just "Call out" you have to get time approved. Usually too, the time has already been taken off by someone else.
Anywho, during my tirade after seeing the word "CANCELED" on my computer screen 8 hours prior to my flight's departure, i managed to find the anger my therapist told me years ago to find.. I had pure ANGER and RAGE, but at what? Life? God? Continental? Myself? well, definitely myself.. because NORMALLY i would have booked that flight on a Saturday or Sunday instead of a Monday due to airport chaos, but for some reason i didn't. Maybe it was Kyle's work schedule? He was, after-all, supposed to be working that weekend so i most likely didn't want to suck up his time. It could have just been the way the stars aligned when i made the decision, but I'm going with the former lol. After all, i do have a bad memory.
Regardless, the flight was cancelled, and my BFF Jess tried her damnedest to find an alternate for us as they are supposed to meet us "Tomorrow". I had it all planned out.. i was going to leave a note at the desk for her and her DH to meet us at our palapa where i would have a freshly made alcoholic beverage for them to enjoy and unwind to. But noooo.. that isn't going to happen. Sorry guys.. Love you both!
This is where part 2 starts:
Apparently, there was another plan that brewed that i knew nothing about.. amazing how oblivious i am.
During my tirade i was forced to hit my flying Valium (for the flight, it does not fly itself) because i was so mad i was going to punch my hand through a wall.. Very uncharacteristic of me, and normally when i do get pissed off i just spew bad words for a little bit and I'm done.. This anger never ceased, my explanation is that I'm so OVER-STRESSED at work and in my personal life that i just need to get out of this God-forsaken hell hole called New Jersey, and mingle with happy people in Aruba.. It is after all, the "Happy Island".
I finally passed out on the couch curled up in a ball with the TV on. Kyle, at one point, went to bed and didn't wake me. He let me RIP. I needed it.. thanks my love.
The next day started off bad, but my anger was calmer. Though i was spewing profanities at the Meteorologists on TV and everything else that pissed me off, which was everything and everyone. I was cranky, and i deserved to be.
At one point, i was in the office staring blankly at the airline's website yet again looking for an alternate. I called AMEX to get info on refunds etc., and spoke with my travel agent umpteen times. At one point i just became so exhausted that i shut all my open windows down and said to Kyle as i stood up from the desk "you have now witnessed first-hand, what my luck is like. You thought i was exaggerating when i told you this time and time again. Now do you believe me? I fended off illness for 2 weeks, i battled food poisoning this week, and now a reckoning force has won, preventing my plane from leaving this hell hole" and i started walking out of the office when he asked "where are you going?" i turned to answer him and he was on one knee. I questioned WTF he was doing. He asked "will you be my wife?" i responded in disbelief of what the hell was going on, until he opened his hand and there was the ring. The most beautiful ring i have ever seen. I immediately went from completely and utterly pissed off and hopeless to crying like a 2 year old and accepting his proposal.
I could turn it around and be pissed that his plan was thwarted and i was not proposed to in the place we both love more than any other place on Earth, but i will take it. Reason? Out of all of my tirades and anger and despair, the one thing Kyle knew would move my mood to positive was his proposal. He got the shorter end of the deal. The plan in which he worked so hard for was completely crushed. Though the end result is the same, it really does mean more to me now. He sacrifices so much for me, and he really does show his undying love for me. I truly hope that it never changes. He is the best thing my life has ever been blessed to receive. "I" am the luckiest woman alive, without a doubt.
So to answer your questions:
No date has been set yet.
We don't know when we are going to have kids lol!
We are working on a reschedule of the trip to Aruba.
But there is one thing i promise.. You will be kept in the loop.
~T
Today i should be sitting on a white sandy beach in Aruba drinking some sort of alcoholic beverage.
Instead, I'm home, eating shitty Chinese food and tip tapping away on my keyboard.
Why? because God and/or Mother Nature and/or Father Winter decided to play a REALLY CRUEL game.. Make 12 hours of snow look worse on radar and cancel all flights. Yep, my flight was canceled.. next one out is AFTER Kyle's vacation is over. for all that know about LEO jobs.. you can't just "Call out" you have to get time approved. Usually too, the time has already been taken off by someone else.
Anywho, during my tirade after seeing the word "CANCELED" on my computer screen 8 hours prior to my flight's departure, i managed to find the anger my therapist told me years ago to find.. I had pure ANGER and RAGE, but at what? Life? God? Continental? Myself? well, definitely myself.. because NORMALLY i would have booked that flight on a Saturday or Sunday instead of a Monday due to airport chaos, but for some reason i didn't. Maybe it was Kyle's work schedule? He was, after-all, supposed to be working that weekend so i most likely didn't want to suck up his time. It could have just been the way the stars aligned when i made the decision, but I'm going with the former lol. After all, i do have a bad memory.
Regardless, the flight was cancelled, and my BFF Jess tried her damnedest to find an alternate for us as they are supposed to meet us "Tomorrow". I had it all planned out.. i was going to leave a note at the desk for her and her DH to meet us at our palapa where i would have a freshly made alcoholic beverage for them to enjoy and unwind to. But noooo.. that isn't going to happen. Sorry guys.. Love you both!
This is where part 2 starts:
Apparently, there was another plan that brewed that i knew nothing about.. amazing how oblivious i am.
During my tirade i was forced to hit my flying Valium (for the flight, it does not fly itself) because i was so mad i was going to punch my hand through a wall.. Very uncharacteristic of me, and normally when i do get pissed off i just spew bad words for a little bit and I'm done.. This anger never ceased, my explanation is that I'm so OVER-STRESSED at work and in my personal life that i just need to get out of this God-forsaken hell hole called New Jersey, and mingle with happy people in Aruba.. It is after all, the "Happy Island".
I finally passed out on the couch curled up in a ball with the TV on. Kyle, at one point, went to bed and didn't wake me. He let me RIP. I needed it.. thanks my love.
The next day started off bad, but my anger was calmer. Though i was spewing profanities at the Meteorologists on TV and everything else that pissed me off, which was everything and everyone. I was cranky, and i deserved to be.
At one point, i was in the office staring blankly at the airline's website yet again looking for an alternate. I called AMEX to get info on refunds etc., and spoke with my travel agent umpteen times. At one point i just became so exhausted that i shut all my open windows down and said to Kyle as i stood up from the desk "you have now witnessed first-hand, what my luck is like. You thought i was exaggerating when i told you this time and time again. Now do you believe me? I fended off illness for 2 weeks, i battled food poisoning this week, and now a reckoning force has won, preventing my plane from leaving this hell hole" and i started walking out of the office when he asked "where are you going?" i turned to answer him and he was on one knee. I questioned WTF he was doing. He asked "will you be my wife?" i responded in disbelief of what the hell was going on, until he opened his hand and there was the ring. The most beautiful ring i have ever seen. I immediately went from completely and utterly pissed off and hopeless to crying like a 2 year old and accepting his proposal.
I could turn it around and be pissed that his plan was thwarted and i was not proposed to in the place we both love more than any other place on Earth, but i will take it. Reason? Out of all of my tirades and anger and despair, the one thing Kyle knew would move my mood to positive was his proposal. He got the shorter end of the deal. The plan in which he worked so hard for was completely crushed. Though the end result is the same, it really does mean more to me now. He sacrifices so much for me, and he really does show his undying love for me. I truly hope that it never changes. He is the best thing my life has ever been blessed to receive. "I" am the luckiest woman alive, without a doubt.
So to answer your questions:
No date has been set yet.
We don't know when we are going to have kids lol!
We are working on a reschedule of the trip to Aruba.
But there is one thing i promise.. You will be kept in the loop.
~T
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Yoga should be mandatory
Tonight was my last class for the semester (I'm desperately hoping to get into Jeanne's class again for the winter semester, but it fills up quick). It started off very grim. I arrived in the high school parking lot to emptiness (usually you can't get a spot close enough to the building), but i grabbed my yoga magazine and started to read hoping other's would show up. Thankfully they did!
About 10 minutes before class was to start i headed inside and was greeted by one of the adult school teachers (I think he said his name was Todd, but i could be mistaken), he proceeded to inform me that Jeanne was stuck in traffic on the parkway (REALLY BAD ACCIDENT) but hoped to arrive about 20 to 7 and that i was more than welcome to wait in the resource center (where class is held).
About 4 of us started our stretches, and laughed, and talked about the anxiety we all felt about getting into the winter class. More people arrived and before you knew we were getting ready for breathing.. One very nice gentlemen decided to do Jeanne a favor and started us on our breathing, shortly thereafter she arrived and praised us, her pupils, for being patient and understanding, and knowing that we were not pressuring her got her through the 3.5 hour traffic jam she endured just to teach us a class she could have cancelled. For our reward we were going to have a restorative Yoga class. Yeah, it's what i needed big time.
I didn't understand what it meant, but i was a very willing participant! Basically restorative Yoga is when you never get off the mat. You never stand up, you do all movements lying down. I hate to admit this but i had better stretches and felt more relaxed in this class then any Yoga class thus far.
After twisting like a pretzel, literally, we went into Savangsana, deeply into it actually. So deep that as cold as that room was i didn't feel it.. after a while i didn't even feel the floor underneath me. It was like i was floating.. i was in Yoga sleep.. aware of my surroundings, yet not awake, i heard everything Jeanne was saying and also my mind was quiet. No pictures, no sounds, no ideas, no anger, no stress, nothing.. just quiet Yoga sleep. Until the guy next to me snored lol, scared the crap outta me! but i quickly recovered and found my quiet again.
I was very angry today for a few reasons, some of which are personal, and it took her traffic experience, restorative Yoga, and the guy next to me snoring, oh and the Chinese food tonight to help me out of that anger. Sometimes, even though being angry is bad, God makes on feel that emotion just in time to cure it. Had i not been angry i may not have had the experience i had tonight. I felt it leave me every time i had to hold a pose, or breathe a little deeper, or stretch a little farther. I found my total peace in Savangsana, and now I'm so happy i wanna cry! lol
Jeanne was kind enough to give a poem as a hand out with a tea light candle. She said whenever we need focus between now and the next semester in 6 - weeks, to light the candle and meditate, she also offered this poem by Carolyn Hoppe
Light a candle for help for each
Heart that's in need
A candle for every
Compassionate deed,
Light a candle for smiles on
The children's faces
A candle for peace between
Countries and races
Light a candle that shines like
A star in the night
Light a candle of hope
For a future that's bright
About 10 minutes before class was to start i headed inside and was greeted by one of the adult school teachers (I think he said his name was Todd, but i could be mistaken), he proceeded to inform me that Jeanne was stuck in traffic on the parkway (REALLY BAD ACCIDENT) but hoped to arrive about 20 to 7 and that i was more than welcome to wait in the resource center (where class is held).
About 4 of us started our stretches, and laughed, and talked about the anxiety we all felt about getting into the winter class. More people arrived and before you knew we were getting ready for breathing.. One very nice gentlemen decided to do Jeanne a favor and started us on our breathing, shortly thereafter she arrived and praised us, her pupils, for being patient and understanding, and knowing that we were not pressuring her got her through the 3.5 hour traffic jam she endured just to teach us a class she could have cancelled. For our reward we were going to have a restorative Yoga class. Yeah, it's what i needed big time.
I didn't understand what it meant, but i was a very willing participant! Basically restorative Yoga is when you never get off the mat. You never stand up, you do all movements lying down. I hate to admit this but i had better stretches and felt more relaxed in this class then any Yoga class thus far.
After twisting like a pretzel, literally, we went into Savangsana, deeply into it actually. So deep that as cold as that room was i didn't feel it.. after a while i didn't even feel the floor underneath me. It was like i was floating.. i was in Yoga sleep.. aware of my surroundings, yet not awake, i heard everything Jeanne was saying and also my mind was quiet. No pictures, no sounds, no ideas, no anger, no stress, nothing.. just quiet Yoga sleep. Until the guy next to me snored lol, scared the crap outta me! but i quickly recovered and found my quiet again.
I was very angry today for a few reasons, some of which are personal, and it took her traffic experience, restorative Yoga, and the guy next to me snoring, oh and the Chinese food tonight to help me out of that anger. Sometimes, even though being angry is bad, God makes on feel that emotion just in time to cure it. Had i not been angry i may not have had the experience i had tonight. I felt it leave me every time i had to hold a pose, or breathe a little deeper, or stretch a little farther. I found my total peace in Savangsana, and now I'm so happy i wanna cry! lol
Jeanne was kind enough to give a poem as a hand out with a tea light candle. She said whenever we need focus between now and the next semester in 6 - weeks, to light the candle and meditate, she also offered this poem by Carolyn Hoppe
Light a candle for help for each
Heart that's in need
A candle for every
Compassionate deed,
Light a candle for smiles on
The children's faces
A candle for peace between
Countries and races
Light a candle that shines like
A star in the night
Light a candle of hope
For a future that's bright
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