TTFN

Every time he said it I could never remember what it meant. Though he told me a thousand times over, it just never clicked, until now.

On Friday August 21, 2009 my family lost a great man.

It was sudden and completely unexpected and has left us all in shock, devastated even.

My Mom is completely and utterly devastated and it’s crushing every fiber of my being.

You never truly know how much someone means to you or fits into your family until they don’t exist anymore. The life-interrupted a few nights a week, the “pinch your fur” my Delta had to endure that secretly she loved, but Miki knew better. The laughter at the family night dinners at the most inappropriate of conversations. I think he was probably the only person besides my Fiancé that could laugh at those topics lol.

He taught me all sorts of useless and obscure information. Like in India they kill female babies until they have a male baby, (I just thought that happened in China). He also steered me towards the Episcopalian Church when I was having a problem with the Catholic Church.

He would give me pointers and hints when I was going for Golf lessons, and for the most part, they worked. He would let me have his Golf magazines when he was done with them so I could read the articles and get hints and pointers from the pros. He introduced my Mom to the sport of Golf. Which she is very good at by the way. They golfed everywhere together: Vegas, Jersey, you name it they went there. I also think this is what she needs now. A hobby and a sport that she can have a positive memory of him and it will keep her busy and in the social environment.

He lived life very loosely. Nothing really bothered him too much. He kind of just ‘went with the flow’. He loved his wine, he loved his golf, and he loved my Mother… Most importantly, he loved my Mother; he loved our family and we loved him just as much. He made my Mom very happy and vis-à-vis. They were the best of friends, they laughed, they cried, they partied, they dined, they golfed, they frequented AC and Vegas.

I tell my Mom to be strong, but I know the feeling. She’s empty inside, which will eventually fill back up, it’s just going to take time. She will be ok though, she’s a strong woman. He would be extremely angry at her if she whittled away, he would want her to continue partying, continue golfing, and continue living until it was her time to hit the Tee, that I’m sure he has already reserved for her.

So Ta Ta For Now Baker.. You are missed greatly.. just keep our clubs clean and shoes ready.. we will eventually have a good day on the course. May all of your holes be Eagles.

Love

T

Everything happens for a reason. 2 parts

But WHAT is that reason?
Today i should be sitting on a white sandy beach in Aruba drinking some sort of alcoholic beverage.
Instead, I'm home, eating shitty Chinese food and tip tapping away on my keyboard.

Why? because God and/or Mother Nature and/or Father Winter decided to play a REALLY CRUEL game.. Make 12 hours of snow look worse on radar and cancel all flights. Yep, my flight was canceled.. next one out is AFTER Kyle's vacation is over. for all that know about LEO jobs.. you can't just "Call out" you have to get time approved. Usually too, the time has already been taken off by someone else.

Anywho, during my tirade after seeing the word "CANCELED" on my computer screen 8 hours prior to my flight's departure, i managed to find the anger my therapist told me years ago to find.. I had pure ANGER and RAGE, but at what? Life? God? Continental? Myself? well, definitely myself.. because NORMALLY i would have booked that flight on a Saturday or Sunday instead of a Monday due to airport chaos, but for some reason i didn't. Maybe it was Kyle's work schedule? He was, after-all, supposed to be working that weekend so i most likely didn't want to suck up his time. It could have just been the way the stars aligned when i made the decision, but I'm going with the former lol. After all, i do have a bad memory.

Regardless, the flight was cancelled, and my BFF Jess tried her damnedest to find an alternate for us as they are supposed to meet us "Tomorrow". I had it all planned out.. i was going to leave a note at the desk for her and her DH to meet us at our palapa where i would have a freshly made alcoholic beverage for them to enjoy and unwind to. But noooo.. that isn't going to happen. Sorry guys.. Love you both!

This is where part 2 starts:

Apparently, there was another plan that brewed that i knew nothing about.. amazing how oblivious i am.

During my tirade i was forced to hit my flying Valium (for the flight, it does not fly itself) because i was so mad i was going to punch my hand through a wall.. Very uncharacteristic of me, and normally when i do get pissed off i just spew bad words for a little bit and I'm done.. This anger never ceased, my explanation is that I'm so OVER-STRESSED at work and in my personal life that i just need to get out of this God-forsaken hell hole called New Jersey, and mingle with happy people in Aruba.. It is after all, the "Happy Island".

I finally passed out on the couch curled up in a ball with the TV on. Kyle, at one point, went to bed and didn't wake me. He let me RIP. I needed it.. thanks my love.

The next day started off bad, but my anger was calmer. Though i was spewing profanities at the Meteorologists on TV and everything else that pissed me off, which was everything and everyone. I was cranky, and i deserved to be.

At one point, i was in the office staring blankly at the airline's website yet again looking for an alternate. I called AMEX to get info on refunds etc., and spoke with my travel agent umpteen times. At one point i just became so exhausted that i shut all my open windows down and said to Kyle as i stood up from the desk "you have now witnessed first-hand, what my luck is like. You thought i was exaggerating when i told you this time and time again. Now do you believe me? I fended off illness for 2 weeks, i battled food poisoning this week, and now a reckoning force has won, preventing my plane from leaving this hell hole" and i started walking out of the office when he asked "where are you going?" i turned to answer him and he was on one knee. I questioned WTF he was doing. He asked "will you be my wife?" i responded in disbelief of what the hell was going on, until he opened his hand and there was the ring. The most beautiful ring i have ever seen. I immediately went from completely and utterly pissed off and hopeless to crying like a 2 year old and accepting his proposal.

I could turn it around and be pissed that his plan was thwarted and i was not proposed to in the place we both love more than any other place on Earth, but i will take it. Reason? Out of all of my tirades and anger and despair, the one thing Kyle knew would move my mood to positive was his proposal. He got the shorter end of the deal. The plan in which he worked so hard for was completely crushed. Though the end result is the same, it really does mean more to me now. He sacrifices so much for me, and he really does show his undying love for me. I truly hope that it never changes. He is the best thing my life has ever been blessed to receive. "I" am the luckiest woman alive, without a doubt.

So to answer your questions:
No date has been set yet.
We don't know when we are going to have kids lol!
We are working on a reschedule of the trip to Aruba.

But there is one thing i promise.. You will be kept in the loop.

~T